You Know You Are In Shenzhen When…

Borrowing from “You Know You’re a Redneck When…” Ping has had some fun crafting a tale about some local observations he has made while in China.

                             

Everybody is speaking Chinese – loudly

Everything is written in Chinese, including the directions on the washer and dryer

Everyone has an electronic device on the subway. Some people juggle two or three, and if they are on the phone - see number 1

Toilets are porcelain holes in the ground – if you are lucky

Toddler’s pants are made with holes in the crotch, thus making it easy for their caretakers to hold the child above a tree’s roots, along the sidewalk, to eliminate body waste. It is a very common sight to see people doing this almost anywhere. Ping even watched a grandmother hoist a child over a concert hall’s potted palm plant just meters away from the restroom and he just let ‘er rip!

Shoes are frequently removed before entering a house (especially workmen). (See above)

Taxi drivers are like teenage amphetamine abusers in a getaway car

Half of the population seems to be spitting, hawking loogies and snot rockets onto the street; it happens often and is commonplace among men and women of all ages

While dodging the aforementioned wet spots you need to play a game of chicken while walking in this crowded city. Locals trudge straight for you and dodge within one second before the seemingly impending crash

Nationals throw trash on the ground or leave tissues on the train floor for other people to pick up. And people seem to come from nowhere to do just that.  They come equipped with homemade brooms fashioned out of palm tree leaves and dustbins made out of old 5 gallon peanut oil cans

Stores have cages of chickens, pheasants, bunnies and more outside on the street as well as aquariums full of fish, frogs, and turtles… And these are not pet shops, but restaurants. (Think Red Lobster!)

Beggars drag the fresh corpse of a relative to a busy corner of an intersection to wail for burial money

The dates on all perishables have expired

80% of the women either dress like short-skirted baby dolls or Julia Robert’s character in “Pretty Woman,” thus prompting Ping to call out “Pretty Woman” instead of “Punch Buggy”
80% of the men act and dress effeminately and wear hairstyles and clothing that would impress the New York City folk
90% of these men carry “murses” – or male purses, and often an additional bag, and they carry their female companion’s purse as well (see above)

And YOU are the one getting stared at!

Posted by EddyTour-In-Chief: Doug